Boys Will Be Girls
by Katie Tallis-Cox
Summary: Nick recalls the events of yesterday to Warrick and Catherine; Greg had a hot date, but not all was as it seemed… A songfic based upon Lola by The Kinks.


**Boys Will Be Girls…**

**Summary:** Nick recalls the events of yesterday to Warrick and Catherine; Greg had a hot date, but not all was as it seemed… A songfic based upon Lola by The Kinks.

**A/N: **Not a serious fic, just a little bit of comedy. Happy new year to all of you! Just a lil update; I'm working on a few fics right now, not sure whether I'll be continuing with CSI Yorkshire ;) I'll have to see... I'm usually a lyricist so I thought I'd try a fic based upon a song. You can hear some of the songs I've written here (without spaces) www. sarahmccluskey . co . uk let me know what you think! My songs are for sale on iTunes… just a shameless plug there for ya…

I guess this is set in the early days of CSI, sometime around season two maybe, possibly Slaves of Las Vegas, i.e. when CSI used to be good.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own CSI (sadly) or the song used in the fic.

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"Wait a minute…" Warrick finally managed to speak after his laughter had subsided enough for him to catch his breath, "…you're sayin' that Sanders… got with a chick, who turned out to be a dude?"He began to laugh uncontrollably again at the hilarity of the not-so-secret that Nick had just spilled to him and Catherine.

"One hundred percent cock-in-a-frock." Nick confirmed with a nod, grinning widely at his friend who was in uncontainable howls of laughter at poor Greg's expense, who was himself happily busy in his lab processing some bondage gear and liquid latex.

"Oh, this is SO good!" Catherine squealed at the prospect of some new gossip, perching on the break room table next to Nick to make sure she didn't miss anything. "Spare nothing, I want every detail!"

"I'm not sure I wanna hear _every _detail…" Warrick sat back in his chair, finally able to suppress his laughter enough to hear of Greg's misfortune, though he was simultaneously cringing at the prospect of hearing the finer details of the nerdy lab rat's encounter with a cross dresser.

"Start from the beginning," Catherine begged, "c'mon Nicky, you gotta tell us. This is just too funny!"

"Okay…" Nick cleared his throat and sitting up straight in an effort to control his laughter enough to relay the facts to his friends, "so, G and I were proppin' up this hotel bar. We were drinkin' this champagne that tasted oddly like…"

"…Cherry Cola." Catherine finished his sentence for him, nodding knowingly.

"Exactly," He grinned, noticing the intense look on Catherine's face as she absorbed the juicy details of the gossip, "and we were just mindin' our own business, when this… chick… appears from nowhere and starts flirtin' with Greg. Long brown hair, rosy red lips, tight-fittin' purple dress…" he described, snickering softly at the look on Warrick's face; a melange of perplexity and disbelief with a dash of horror.

"C'mon, more!" Catherine begged as Nick paused for a moment to compose himself, the giggles preventing him from forming his words cohesively.

"There was no denyin'… she looked considerably… authentic. But as soon as she spoke, I knew somethin' wasn't right." His voice began to crack as he attempted to hold back the laughter. "So Greg's all like, 'tell me your name, sugar?'" Warrick snorted and Catherine cackled at Nick's account of Greg Sanders' dorky attempt at flirting, "…and she said in this husky, dulcet voice…"

"…Lola?" Catherine finished Nick's sentence again, raising her eyebrows knowingly at Warrick who was cackling loudly, stopping for air every so often to offer a 'no way' or a 'sick' to the conversation.

"Correct again." Nick affirmed. "I could tell she was… a he… y'know, I'm not a CSI for nothin'. I mean, her… or his… shoulders were kinda broad and her legs were kinda… sparrow-like. Greg's usually a boobs and ass kinda guy, but this… chick… was straight up and down."

Catherine shook her head in disbelief at Greg's bad judgement, "Y'know, I can't believe he wouldn't have got the hint… Greg's not dumb."

"I hear ya," Warrick agreed, "I don't get it. Why wouldn't he realise if she… or he… spoke like an octave lower than a woman?"

"Exactly what I thought," Nick began, "thing is, she had this… womanly composure… and we were pretty far gone on that champagne, we had a lot of it. I'm not defendin' him or anythin', but there was only electric candlelight so it was kinda dark in there… plus we had our alco-eyes on…"

Nick tailed off as he saw a figure standing in the doorway. Little did he know that Greg Sanders had been listening intently to their oh-so-hilarious conversation, and he cleared his throat in a bid to attract their attention.

"So… um… what were you sayin', Catherine… about that DB in the sandbox?" Nick cleared his throat and attempted to conceal their piss-taking by changing the subject swiftly, though Greg shook his head, not buying Nick's cover-up.

"I'm not stupid, Nicky. I heard your little conversation," He swallowed hard, walking into the break room and pulling out a chair before flopping down hard onto it, "It's okay though, I can handle this. I'm not ashamed."He smacked his palms down onto the table and said with a whisper, "Gimme what you got."

"Okay Greggy, if you think you can handle it…" Catherine joked, scooting around the table to perch near Greg, "I wanna know what happened next." Catherine giggled, resting a hand lightly on the lab rat's arm in mocking reassurance.

"I'm not sure if I do…" Warrick muttered, "am I gonna need my hands over my ears?"

"No." Greg snapped, "Nothing happened, I swear. Lola… took me to her room…"

"Oh Sweet Lord, help me…" Warrick clapped his hands over his ears in a bid to block out the expected gory details of Greg's escapade with Lola.

"We uh… things got pretty heavy… between us…" Greg gulped, brushing a hand through the wacky, angular spikes of his hair.

"And you're saying you didn't feel anything… poking you… kinda…" Catherine giggled, earning a sarcastic look from Greg.

"I did not. I was wasted. Nick already told you." He snapped, inching away slowly from Catherine's grasp. "I'm not gonna talk if you're gonna keep teasing me." He sulked, his doe-eyes wide and fraught.

"Aw, carry on Greggy, please! Catherine pleaded him to continue, not quite having her fulfilment of gossip just yet.

"It's alright G. I'm not teasin' you, am I?" Nick attempted to coax his friend into finishing the story.

"That's coz you did all your teasing yesterday!" Greg sulked as Catherine clasped her hands together in mock-prayer, mouthing '_please'_ to him. "You only wanna know coz you wanna tell everyone!" He whined at Catherine.

"I won't Greg, I promise. When have I ever told anyone your secrets?" Catherine threw her evidence down on the table, so-to-speak, desperately wanting to know the ending to Greg's story.

"Catherine Willows, you're impossible." Greg muttered, sighing and leaning back in his chair. "Okay… if you really must know…" He resumed, raising an eyebrow at Catherine as she mouthed '_yes!' _at the prospect of Greg continuing with gossip. "…I don't remember a lot coz my head was dizzy with champagne, but I do know I whipped off her bra, 34F by the way, and…"

"Arrrgh! No Greg!" Warrick pleaded Greg to spare him the details, throwing his hands onto his ears again, not entirely interested in Greg Sanders' bizarre sex life.

"…and, her erm… her fake boobs fell out… one landed on my foot… it was kinda cool actually, really lifelike, a bit like jelly but a little firmer, y'know how boobs feel…" he rambled, though stopping as he caught sight of Catherine's frown, "and anyway… I saw this hairy chest… God, needles to say I was a little surprised."

"I'll bet." Nick laughed.

"So… that's when I knew I had to get the hell outta there," Greg continued, "and I ran to the door, but Lola came after me and pulled me in for this kiss…"

"Aw no dude… no way…" Warrick attempted to violently shake the disturbing image from his head of Greg Sanders, the dorky lab rat, getting heavy with a cross-dresser. Catherine squealed in delight at the imagery of her friend kissing a guy, while Nick smirked silently, already knowing the full story.

"And how was it? The kiss, I mean… did it feel good? Did you get those little shivers down your spine? Feel the blood rush away from your head towards… well… y'know…?" Catherine gasped, clutching a hand to her heart at the possibility of a romance.

"Ew, no way… it was gross!" Greg gasped in horror as the memories came flowing back. He wiped his mouth frantically with the back of his hand, still fearing he could taste Lola on his lips.

"That's my man, G…" Nick laughed as Warrick let out a sigh in relief that Greg only got as far as a kiss. If he had to hear any more about Greg Sanders' wacky sex escapades, he thought he might puke, or worse, lose his mind entirely.

"Hey, in my defence, she was a lovely person… on the inside…" Greg began, "and also in my defence, it's a pretty mixed up world out there. Y'know girls will be boys, boys will be girls…"

"It's just a matter of knowin' which is which, Greggo." Warrick laughed, "You'll learn, my friend. These things come with experience."

"Oh ha ha Warrick…" Greg scorned sarcastically, rolling his eyes at his teasing friend, "anyway, I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity to put this down to shake this off and move on. Lola was an amazing person…" He sighed, getting up to his feet and pushing the chair under the table. "Plus, she shared my interest for liquid latex…"

"Oh Greg, no more of the liquid latex thing please!" Nick begged, with Warrick nodding vigorously in agreement.

"Hey, it's kinda nice…" Catherine jumped up, defending Greg who grinned widely, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"I'm glad we share this interest…" Greg flirted with Catherine shamelessly, as he almost always did, though this time it was more of a bid to iron out his sexuality. In response, she winked at the young lab rat, who nodded appreciatively.

"Well, no offence Catherine but I'd expect it from you…" Warrick laughed.

"None taken." She winked again, moving to the sink and pouring a glass of water to calm herself down now the gossip was over. "So Greggy, any regrets?"

"None. I'm a man, so is Lola… and I'm okay with it." He chuckled. "Besides, I'm moving on… got myself a date tomorrow… y'know, just by the way…"he beamed confidently.

"Oh yeah? XX or XY?" Nick teased, earning a sarcastic glare from Greg who moved towards the door in a bid to escape more interrogation from his so-called friends.

"If you must know…" he sighed, turning around to face the three CSIs who were cackling like hyenas, "XX, one hundred percent." He affirmed.

"And how can you be sure?" Warrick taunted the lab rat.

"Because I…" he began, confidently puffing out his chest and sighing deeply, "I am going on a date… with Sara Sidle."

He snickered under his breath as the jaws of his three friends dropped open dramatically.

"Oh yeah…" he nodded, "that's right…" he punched the air in victory and sauntered down the hall back to his lab, leaving his three friends in gawping in amazement at how the geeky lab tech had managed to persuade Sara to go on a date with him.

"He's lyin' man!" Warrick piped up after the moment of stunned silence had passed between the three of them.

"Yeah, he's totally pulling the piss." Catherine agreed, cooly taking a sip of water.

"He's not lying…" a gentle, familiar voice came from the doorway. The three CSIs glanced up in surprise to see a grinning and blushing Sara Sidle clutching a single red rose to her chest. "He's telling the truth..." She smiled, softly sniffing the rose and sighing wistfully before walking away, leaving the three CSIs, for once, completely speechless.

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**Hope you liked it, please review!**

**I'm gonna try and carry on with my published fic, though I'm not quite sure whether I want to, it depends on good reviews or not. Aside from that I'm working on a longer fic involving Nick and Greg, it's a more serious fic, a little dark.** **So yeah, thanks for reading!**


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